Milhomme Realty Group, LLC | From the Broker's Desk

By Brenda Milhome A Tragedy That Should Never Have Happened The death of 14-year-old Kylie Toberman in Vandalia, Illinois, has devastated an entire community. According to multiple news outlets, Kylie was reported missing early Friday morning and later found deceased. A 43-year-old man with a long criminal history, identified as her step-uncle, has been arrested on charges of first-degree murder, criminal sexual assault, and concealing a homicide (KMOV, 2025). This tragedy is heartbreaking on its face—but even more tragic when we recognize that this was not an unpredictable event. It was a system failure , decades in the making. The Warning Signs Were Always There Public records reported by news outlets show that the suspect’s criminal history dates back to 2000 , including dismissed charges of criminal sexual abuse involving a minor between the ages of 9 and 16 (Fox News, 2025). These charges were dropped in exchange for a plea to aggravated battery. For that plea? He rece...

Recently, I completed my Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CCADV) training — and while it was “just a certificate,” it felt like so much more. It felt like a call to action. A reminder. A responsibility. In that training, I kept thinking about something I’ve known my whole life but never had the words for until now: The person who hurts you is not an “animal.” Animals don’t torture their mates. People do. Domestic violence isn’t a moment. It isn’t a single argument. It isn’t “losing control.” It is a pattern. A strategy. A system of domination designed to break someone down so gradually that they begin to forget who they were before the fear took root. And the worst part? Most survivors don’t know which moment is going to be “the one.” The final blow. The final threat. The final snap in the abuser’s mind that changes everything.   That uncertainty — that walking-on-eggshells existence — is what destroys people long before the violence ever becomes visible. ...

Author’s Note The reflections shared here come from a lifetime of observations, experiences, studies, and quiet conversations that have shaped my understanding of trauma, relationships, safety, and healing. While elements may echo familiar patterns to some, this piece is not a portrait of any one individual, nor is it meant to recount specific events from any single relationship or period in time. Sometimes the quietest spaces hold the loudest truths. An empty classroom can feel haunting when you think about how many future adults are shaped in rooms just like it — long before they have the language to describe what they’re experiencing at home.

When I look at Lincoln — my sweet boy with those soft, trusting eyes — I’m reminded of the purest kind of love. He doesn’t worry about safety, loyalty, or whether he’ll be cared for tomorrow. He knows he is protected. And that’s what every animal should feel. But for so many pets, that isn’t the reality. And what most people don’t realize is this: **Animal abuse is rarely an isolated act. It’s a warning sign of deeper violence happening inside the home.** This connection is so strong and so consistent that psychologists, child-protective workers, animal-control officers, and domestic-violence advocates refer to it simply as The Link. What “The Link” Actually Means Decades of research show a powerful pattern: 57% of families investigated for child maltreatment also had a harmed animal. 48–71% of domestic-violence survivors say their abuser threatened or hurt their pets. Children who harm animals often come from homes where they themselves are ab...