Violence Is Not Love: My CCADV Training and the Truth Survivors Need the World to Hear
Recently, I completed my Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CCADV) training — and while it was “just a certificate,” it felt like so much more. It felt like a call to action. A reminder. A responsibility. In that training, I kept thinking about something I’ve known my whole life but never had the words for until now: The person who hurts you is not an “animal.” Animals don’t torture their mates. People do. Domestic violence isn’t a moment. It isn’t a single argument. It isn’t “losing control.” It is a pattern. A strategy. A system of domination designed to break someone down so gradually that they begin to forget who they were before the fear took root. And the worst part? Most survivors don’t know which moment is going to be “the one.” The final blow. The final threat. The final snap in the abuser’s mind that changes everything. That uncertainty — that walking-on-eggshells existence — is what destroys people long before the violence ever becomes visible. ...