Violence Is Not Love: My CCADV Training and the Truth Survivors Need the World to Hear

Recently, I completed my Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence (CCADV) training — and while it was “just a certificate,” it felt like so much more. It felt like a call to action. A reminder. A responsibility.

In that training, I kept thinking about something I’ve known my whole life but never had the words for until now:

The person who hurts you is not an “animal.” Animals don’t torture their mates. People do.

Domestic violence isn’t a moment.
It isn’t a single argument.
It isn’t “losing control.”

It is a pattern.
A strategy.
A system of domination designed to break someone down so gradually that they begin to forget who they were before the fear took root.

And the worst part?
Most survivors don’t know which moment is going to be “the one.”
The final blow.
The final threat.
The final snap in the abuser’s mind that changes everything.
 
That uncertainty — that walking-on-eggshells existence — is what destroys people long before the violence ever becomes visible.
 
My CCADV training didn’t shock me.
It didn’t surprise me.
It validated what I’ve witnessed, what I’ve heard whispered behind closed doors, and what survivors have carried for far too long.
 
It reminded me that:
 

• Survivors are not dramatic.

• Survivors are not exaggerating.

• Survivors are experts in survival, not crisis creators.

• And every single one of them deserved safety long before they ever got help.

 
I also thought about the moment years ago when I made a mandated report to protect a child — and a mother stormed into my home to “teach me a lesson.”
That moment lit a fire in me that has never gone out.
I do not hide.
I do not speak anonymously.
I do not stand down.
 
And now, as a CEO — a title I wear with pride and a heart full of purpose — I refuse to use my platform for silence.
 
I will use it for truth. For safety. For justice. For Mimi. For every woman and every child who deserved better.
 
This training wasn’t the end.
It was the beginning.
A sharpened tool in a toolkit I’ve been building my whole life.
 
And if even one survivor reads this and feels seen…
If one person recognizes the signs earlier…
If one life gets protected because someone understood the difference between “love” and “control”…
Then this work is worth every second.
 
Violence is not love.
Control is not care.
Silence is not safety.
And we are not done. Not even close.
 
CALL TO ACTION
Want to know more about the CCADV, signs of DV, or how to support survivors in our communities?

Send me a message.

Ask the questions.

This conversation matters — and so do the people living quietly inside it.
 

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